Hoes Before Bros

Brussels is an amazing city! It truly has that old Europe feel to it. I always wanted to go to Eastern Europe, that is what I thought of when I thought of a real Eurotrip. After going to Brussels and being around very few tourists, I see how traveling to busy, tourist-filled cities is comforting rather than annoying. Being the only tourists is slightly more uncomfortable than being the obnoxious, loud one. Luckily, Brussels was kind to us, but I must admit, I felt slightly scared at times realizing that if I truly needed help, it would be hard since hardly anyone spoke English. Either way, Brussels is beautiful and not to mention, delicious. William and me tried all their traditional dishes and they are delightful! We didn’t get a chance to try mussels and crème, but I heard it’s a hit. Similar to France they have a very large Arab and African population. I had some good Turkish food and DELICIOUS chocolate. They have so much chocolate, it’s insane.

Anyways, back to Amsterdam as my title is dedicated to it, we arrived in Amsterdam today. It is approximately two hours from Brussels. From the moment we got here I loved it! The city is beautiful and the canals are adorable. However, the young crowd will make any frat house look like a tea party. These people are insane. I’m sure a lot had to do with Amsterdam beating Brazil, but it looked to me as though hardcore partying is in their blood. Unlike the other countries I’ve been to in Europe, tobacco is not a huge issue (France was a scary chain smoking city). Mary Jane is thing here. And by here, I mean EVERYWHERE. It’s the norm. But back to the party animals. I saw guys pretending to jump off of old cathedrals (DRUNK), teens jump into canals, and packs of dudes running around the street with the Holland flag. It was indeed an experience.

But, anyways, on to the hoes. What is the first thing that comes into mind when you think Amsterdam? Tulips? Yeah, that’s what comes to my mind, but I’m sure Red Light District came to yours. Dirty, dirty. Anyways, I thought it would be cool to go to the red light district and told William this would be a fun place to go today. There is a lot of history behind the district, lots of tours, and it’s not a shady, dark, creepy place like you’d imagine. The district is unionized and the girls are “well taken care of.” That’s the BS they tell you. I saw girls that were obviously on some interesting drugs and others that looked like trashy beyond trash. However, they weren’t totally unattractive, but they do come in all shapes and sizes. They get totally offended if you take pictures of them so I only was able to sneak one. I figured if I can’t take pictures (my life!) I’d have to sneak a good one.



This lovely lady had a giant stick that she banged against her window when she saw people taking pictures of her. So I took it across the canal, everyone thank my wonderful zoom. I didn’t want to offend these girls. I went in with the attitude, “they do what they gotta do” and that went out the window in like 5 minutes. They gave me dirty looks, and I gave them dirtier looks back, not to mention condescending. There were plenty of women there, I mean it’s a tourist sight now! And every single girl there was taking it in as they would any freak show. Those [hoe] girls know what was crossing our minds and we know what was crossing theirs. It must be hard to be behind a glass window looking at women with integrity. As old farts looked at them through their windows, they longed for the tourist guys watching who were ALMOST just as freaked out as the girls. I don’t think that being a hooker is something you do because you’re at a dead end in your life and you have no choice, I think you do it for one reason: because you’re a hoe!

You would think a hoe could dance. NO. The windows all have a chair and a stereo. Maybe it would be better if we could hear the music in their heads, but we couldn't. I mean no rhythm what so ever. These girls were trying though, so I'll give them that. Another thing that freaked me out was the girls in ground floor windows, which were actually doors (on the 1st floor), would open them!! They'd slightly open and close them as they danced. It was like some creepy mating call dance. Step, step, side-to-side, open door, shut. repeat. And yes, they wore hooker shoes too.

There were plenty of groups of drunk guys that parted with their guy friends because they got distracted by a hoe in the window, so I guess bros don’t always come first. The moral of this story is: if you’re a guy in Amsterdam and decide to have a “fun night out” you may wake up with memories, and lots of other nasty in this place!

<3 np